meteorsong5

so it's 3 am and what better to do but write in a journal that i haven't posted on for about 25 weeks now. oh insomnia, the things that u make me do. i took a 2 hour nap and now i'm far from going to sleep. i might as well get some things out rite, so with that being said shall we begin?

besides all the other traits of my personality that i'm not too proud of, there is one that's been like "the monkey that won't get off my back" type of vice. this is my tendency to not finish things. i'm pretty sure there's a term for this "condition/problem" but let's not venture into that end of the water. now, the act of not being able to finish things can clearly be linked to laziness...ahhh but this is too hard for me to swallow. now i DON'T think that i am lazy. not to the extent of my definition for laziness. i move around, i get stuff done, i accomplish things by the end of the day. so no ma'am, i don't consider myself lazy. however, i consider myself someone who takes on too much and ends up biting of more than i could chew type of person. i would classify myself as having LOTS of interest in various things. hey if it catches my attention for more than 3 minutes, u bet ur bottom dollar (i dunno what this phrase means exactly) that i'm on that. this then leads to my various "hobbies" and interest. this doesn't sound bad rite? but when much becomes too much, like the spice girls say "too much of something is bad enough but something coming over me to make me wonder, too much of nothing is just as tough,i need to know a way to feel to keep my satisfied" the spice girls might be talking about something else here i dunno, but i definitely agree.

to be continued...

Pics from CUE (12.17.08)



the only place where that promotes making stupid faces while taking pictures. hanging with friends i haven't seen in a long time = fun night indeed.

........I think I need to let it out somehow, and might as well in this or else I might go insane for keeping my grief in.

This morning I got woken up by my dad talking loudly on the phone. I wasn't sure at first who he was talking to but all I heard was "are you sure you can drive home" so I pretty much figured it was my mom but I didn't really think it was anything serious so I continued on sleeping. Then a couple of hours later, my mom woke me up with eyes filled with tears saying "regie isn't here anymore, she died." ....... my mind went blank and all I just kept repeating "what happened, what happened??" my little cousin, who was only 9, is no longer here.........about a million things rushed to my head but none of them helped me comprehened what my mom just told me. She died from Dengue Fever back home. The weird thing is that me and my mom were just talking about her last nite. my mom told me about how she was really sick and vomiting, I asked her why they haven't sent her to the hospital yet and she said the same thing that she thinks that it might be dengue and that they have to seek help right away....If only..if only....the my mom left and started crying harder and I just laid in my bed still wasn't sure about what happened. then it hit me and I began crying.

I've only met her once cause she lives back home. I remember when I first met her, she instantly knew my name and I found it weird sine we've never met before. She called me "Ate Ceres" which is older sister Ceres. I was happy, cause I've always had people I refer to as "cousins" but they were never blood related, just family friends, and for the first time I recognized this little girl as my real cousin. She was very bubbly, always smiling, we got along great despite the fact that she was only 5 at that time. I remember, she would eat with me so there's only us two eating at the at the table. I was quite surprised that we got along as good as we did. These memories, now that I recall them makes me even sadder cause I will no longer be able to make them now that she's gone but I'm glad I have them cause everytime I'll think about her it will just puts a smile on my face.

I believe that God has a reason for everything, and I'm putting my faith in him to get me through this hard time. She had the whole life ahead of her, only 9 years old. I feel like she was so powerless over it, she had to suffer so much before she finally be at peace... but I know she's in a better place now. I pray for my uncle, aunt, grandma, cousin and my mom, may God give them strength, may God give me strength.

Regie,
Ate Ceres is going to miss you so much. I'm sorry I didn't come back to see you sooner like you told me when I left. I hope you're not alone, not afraid, not lonely. I hope you can hear us and know how much we love you. Please watch over us. Say hello to grandma and great grandma when you see them in heaven. I hope you are at peace. And I hope you are happy and smiling wherever you are now.

SO....it's been months and here I am writing again. If my livejournal was my lover I think he would have broken up with me a long time ago lol. well school is out, just finished my last semester/class at mt.sac. the last day turned out pretty well, u knw how if it's the last day u want it to be like a memorable goodbye but it'd always turn out retarded instead, well i'm glad that turned out ok lol. i being me, procastinated and started studying again at 12 the nite before and unlike my midterm, i was doing the same thihng etc, i felt like nothing is sticking in my brain. i got the vocabs down but when i try understand the grammar pattern it would just not stick at all. so i felt frustrated cause i really had to try and ace the finals since i slacked off most of the semester *damn u senior-itis aka last sem of that school* so i ended up sleeping around 2:30 and i had to wake up around 5/6 cause my class started at 8 for the finals. bahhh point is i only got around 2-3 hours of sleep cause i was paranoid that i won't be able to wake up early. but sure enough i got there on time, i had time for a last minute review but i just ended up talking instaed. did my finals, took longer that i thought it did, then got out. i had a card for my teacher and i initially just bought it for 4 of us friends to sign it but when i left the class, some of our classmates were still outside. they invited me to eat with them but i had to go to the post office so i passed. hmm if elisa didn't have class after maybe i would have gone. so i jsut figured wat the heck and asked them to sign the card. i'm glad i did cause the card looks fuller so i gave it to sensei, she was sooo happy. then it's picture taking time. camera phones and polaroids were used lol. that was fun, it's a nice ending to a wonderful class and teacher. i wish we all could have been closer sooner but i'm still glad that we did even tho it was at the end.

summer is here and i'm glad i will have more time to hang out with my friends *cross fingers* i'm glad that i quit marukai cause if i didn't i would be working 5 days in a week there 8 hours each and seriously by then i would have lost my mind. i hated when i would look outside and see how nice of a day it is to hang out and i'm still stuck at work. so yah, i need this break anyways before i head into major school mode in fall. oooh fullerton finally accepted me XD!!!!!!!!! i'm so happy, i have my orientation on july 31. seems like a long time no? seriously i've beens stressing out about this. like the process of transfering. hopefully most of my questions will be answered at the orientation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OPERATION PURDIFIED: makeup confession - ceres

first time doing this, i feel bad cause reem has being doing her end of our agreement but me who brought it up isn't lol. since i'm crazy and has been obsessing about makeup this year i've noticed that i'm learning more and more each time. i haven't been doing makeup everyday since i'm usually at home but ever since i got my 88 color pallete from coastalscents.com omg i've been experimenting with diffrent colors. the colors are SOOO amazing they are highly pigmented so the greens and blues and oranges even yellows stand out so well. this is good news since MAC is too expensive, this is a good substitute.also i bought a book called "beauty confidential" i like it a lot. it has great tips and the best part is it looks like a book, cause usually beauty books are humongous, this one looks like a regular reading book which threw me off lol.


OPERATION PURDIFIED: W.I.W.N (wat i'm wearing now)
- BARE ESCENTUAL POWDER - love this product, it's minerals on ur face so it's light and it doesn't block ur pores, perfect for summer cause it's doesn't feel like ur wearing makeup, it even outs my skin color, has SPF 15, seriouly i don't even knw y i still buy foundation when this is all i need)

- JANE SHIMMERING BRONZER IN FIJI - ok at first i didn't even want bronzer, since i have issues with my skin emmm color i thought omg y would i want something that would make me darker than wat i am already. BUT i so glad that i bought htis bronzer. bronzer gives u that sun kissed look. and u knw what i feel a bit better now about my skin color, it totally works for the summer , i realized so much girls try to look tanned like they fry themselves in tanning beds etc just to have color on their skin. guess i'm lucky i don't have to do any of those. more and more i'm starting to accept it and find beauty in my own skin.i just need to learn how to work with it, so yah the bronzer gives a golden highlights so like a glow to the skin. applied this around my cheeks, chin and forhead

-CURLIED MY LASHES AND PUT ON MASCARA - this is a must, seriously this makes a HUGE difference, if u don't have anything in ur face at all and all u do is curl ur lashes and apply mascara it's like BAMMM (channeling emeril) ur eyes looks wide and awake, it opens up face.

- LIP BALM. - yup cause even tho it's summer lips still can chap.

so yah i like my makeup, very natural simple but i feel pretty non-the less. cause during the summer the less u have on the better.

明日何でしょうかな...今すごいお腹が空きましたよ。。何か食べたい~

Another hot day...well not so much compared to yesterday's temp. last nite, although i told myself to have plenty of time to work to study for my midterm in japanse, again procastination won and i ended up studying at 12 till 2. it's funny cause i normaly don't study for japanse but lately, i feel like i need to start taking this seriously. it's pretty easy for me learn the materials and remembering isn't so much a problem but now i'm taking it up another level...wait uhhh what's the next level of not doing anything...ahhh studying d'oh. but i decided to give work harder now, so i've been doing lots of self study. i'm going to break up the process into different categories. there's grammar, reading, kanji, converstaion (i think this is the hardest one since i can't practice it on a daily basis unless i talk to myself o.O) moose taught me how to enable the japanse text on my comp so now i can write, well only on messenger, practice japanese. the more the better.

so i woke up around 7 telling myself that i better not wake up any later cause i still need to study some more at school. got up, rite on time my mom came home from work since she works 10pm - 6am, ok i don't want to even get started on how much of an anxious wreck i was last week when she started. left the house at 7:30 ish. the commute wasn't too bad but i did realize that there's a heck of a lot more people around 7 than 8. which brings me a reason to sleep in more. parked at the usual spot then headed to the library. i invited elisa to study with me but from the looks of it she couldn't come early cause by the time 9 am rolled around she still wasn't there. so anywho...studied more, i was freaking out for some reason like i was studying different thing at the same time so blahhhha... let's just say my brain was PRETTY FRIED by the time i started walking towards my class.

on the way there i heard someone call me and it turned out to be the Japanese guy in my class Noriyuki...eh sensei calls him Norikun (weird for me to call him that since i'm still figuring out REALLY how old he is) i was surprised that he knws me welli met him at marukai and talked to him a bit but he didn't seem like the talking type then. but now he would always come to me to ask me things. so TRIED to last minute study but i just can't focus then elisa came and we went inside only to wait another 10 minutes for sensei. seriously as if i wasn't freaking out already, i just wanted to get it over with. it's funny cause she actually fogot that we had the midterm test today..sensei's getting old ne? so moment of truth...and it wasn't THAT BAD actually is was pretty easy since she gave us the materials ahead. so after finishing it i knew that i must have brain farted at some point again so i went over my answers. and SURE ENOUGH i found about 4 mistakes that could have cost me. after that i went to the bookstore to buy the new book..VOLUME 4 whoa..long ways now man then bought a workbook in desire to teach my bro japanese. then went to library to say hi to the tutor but i got side tracked cause i helped Ting out with her anatomy stuff. i had to translate for her. it's funny cause i'm not even taking that class but i seem ok with it....NOOO reiist the calling of the medicine field lol.

after i got home, me and my mom went to the filipino market to eat. i drove, hopefully i didn't scare her cause i didn't know how to break properly.....arghghh i SOOO need to work on that better. speaking of breaking. OMG my breaks are getting worse. like dude i can't even feel them anymore until the last minute. ugghhh i think it's my fault cause i break too hard cause i break last minute. also i felt something different with my tires, it felt heavy my dad said my tires were flat and he had to pump it up. i'm praying to god that everything in my car is ok now. i vow to become a better driver this day forth. oh btw i washed my car today, i suck at it. well i think cause the drying towel sucks and so i couldn't dry it properly. next time just go the car wash...<---note to self *sticks on forhead*

so i feel quite satisfied today well for the most part cause of the midterm but my car that's another thing..tomorrow i don't have anything to do so....WALGREENS HERE I COME!! ^0^

****edit: I TOO STUPID TO TYPE PROPERLY BUT TOO LAZY TO EDIT!

GOD...ok i just need to vent, and journals are the best places to vent. *deep breath* I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE FORCE ME TO DO SOMETHING THAT I DONT' EVEN FREAKING WANT/LIKE. so here's the situation AGAIN of my father forcing me to do something i don't want to do. this time it's to "help" him with his business. here's the thing tho, i'm all up for helping him up for his business but can i please have my way of going about it. GOD i swear why does he think that i can just be his worker without even TELLING ME ABOUT IT. i mean, geez i know i can help u but don't just be the one deciding EVERYTHING. now he's bugging me every second about learning quickbooks when i don't even want to. before he told me to take accounting classes. why the fuck would i do that? yes, i'll go and take some class that i know ill just end up failing and fucking up my GPA. this is why i'm get irritated and it makes me not care about anymore. i'll be pushed so much that i'm just going to not even give a shit anymore. AHHSGHASHGDEHARGHSDRGKLHDSGLKNSDPGNFSDAKGVNKDNKL;ENIFNKPCBN
NDCKVNDIVNIDNGIDNIKCJI ND CKNVKDSNGVONSDGIKNADSLF DKOVJJNSPADFNDDE
SDNGFKDSNFFIDIGHNWEGB HCSGIOAHSNGDOINOAWNGTPIWE
SDNOIFNASOIDFHNOIWAJFPISDDJFIOSJFPIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

........u get the point, i'm pissed and those are all the words i can't say since i'm sitting here next to him.

this is really late but might as well write it down on my blog so that i'll always remember this day hehehe..sounds so cheesy. anyways today (monday) woke up kinda late, but headed towards west co. to get a haircut. vicki set upped an appointment for me, her, and maureen. so after leaving my car parked at stater bros, she picked me up and headed towards the salon. it's a taiwanese salon, but they have a japanese girl cutting there also. i forgot the name of the salon but it was REALLY NICE. it reminded me of the one i went to in japan to get my haircut. the interior is really modern looking, bright and nice. everyone that worked there look so stylish...not only hair wise but clothing as well. our haircutter is "jun". she's SOOOOOOOO cute lol. i really like her hair and her outfit is too cute. i mean not a whole lot of people can get away with wearing printed flower skirts and purple neon tights. but sure enough, she looks totally cute in it.

she started on vicki cause she wanted highlights after wating for about 15 minutes, sitting in front of the mirror (i dunno why but it really bothered me sitting in front of the mirror XD) then she asked me wat cut i wanted, she's really nice and u could tell she's good at wat she does cause i just showed a picture of the haircut i wanted, she just brokedown each pieces and told me what she was going to with my hair. to be honest i didn't really want anything particular, i never had when it comes to hair, i'm always the "do whatever u want with my hair" type. but before that i had to get my hair shampooed which was awesome cause they MASSAGE ur whole head while they do it, it felt good hmm...the guy who was washing my hair was cute, he was cantonese but it was funny cause he tried talking to me in chinese i'm just like 'uhhhhhh no, no understand sorry' LOL.

when she started cutting my hair, i was tryig to figure out how to start a conversation with her cause saying "oh r u japanese" wouldn't work since my friend already asked her that. so by some weird way we started talking cause i answered back in japanese to her. SHE WAS REALLY suprised, which was cute. she just came back from japan, so she was telling me what she did there...aww i really miss japan now. after that we stayed for another 1 hour to finish up maureen's hair. btw, my hair at the end looked really good. LOL ok i'm not the type to say "omg my hair looks good" but this time, it really did. it looked exactly like the one in the magazine, she curled my hair and everything. both of my friends really liked it and so did i. it looked really fancy, like i'm about to go to a party hair, and she taught me how to do it properly. i told her to tell me in japanese so i can practice and so she did hehehe. yey now my bangs look cool.....well for now at least, i don't want to wash my hair yet XD.
after the salon we went to eat korean food cause we were STARVING, man being in a salon for 3 hours makes u REALLY hungry hehe. after the food, we went to CUE to take picures (spend money) but i wasn't up to it as much cause i was really hot and kinda tired already. i also realized i need to start doing something.

all in all, that salon place was the best! definetly my salon from now on. it's kinda on the expensive side but it's worth it, their service and everything. good thing we got discount cards so that lowered our price a bit. hmm...i think i'll come back again around august to get another haircut..hmmmm maybe get my hair colored too, cause this time i know better than to do it by myself. XD

So i've slept only for a few hours today, I stayed up until 2-ish this morning then woke up around 7:45, which btw is really late cause I told myself that I need to leave the house at 8 to give myself plenty of time to get to school. So I moved in lighting speed again (usually involves lots of tripping over crap I have all over my floor) but I noticed that the streets were pretty empty today. So what normally would take around 30 minutes to get to school only took me 15. Got there, still parked at spot, met up with Rita, went to cafeteria cause she wanted to get something to eat, then Elisa called to tell me she's not coming to class...bleh. Then it ws Japanese class.

I've noticed that I need to start studying in Japanese, I've been slacking off lately and the review quizes that I would normally ace were all marked lower that what I expected it to be. But on the good note, my sensei called me to read a dialogue from the book and I was reading with a native speaker, I'm quite surprise that I did good at reading, well reading Japanese is one of my stronger points so I'm glad that sensei got surprised. after that off to tutoring, got practice conversation with my friend, and a guy from tutoring class...he was nice but there are lots of awkward moments.

sooo...tomorrow i don't have anything to do so in order to be productive i've made my to do list. i will try to not get side track...as always i'm not setting that on stone XD

THINGS TO DO
- deposit check (it's been sitting in my table for 2 weeks now and here i am broke *snort*)
- laundry (this is just waiting to be done....always)
- pay renewal fees for my dogs (cause i don't want to be "illega" doggies)
- burn CDs (another waiting to be done, it has been in my other list too for some time now)
- clean room (dun dun dun, it's about time....it's about time)
optional
- wash car (as much as i want to, if it's scorching outside tomorrow then it's a no go)
- ironing (i really can't figure out why my mom likes doing this??)


ok so we'll see how much gets done...AJA AJA FIGHTING!!!!!

SO..yesterday as I was walking around target something caught my eye. DUN DUN DUN, for the longest time I've already realized that I sometimes act on impulses, this is especially true when it comes to shopping, but I just realized another side of this "getting caught up in the moment" moments. As I stare at a gigantic (I mean it was a huge box) of what could be my next project for the next 4 months, This thing..this attractive, colorful, bright not to mention expensive and totally unnecessary object was 1 minute away from being bought out of the store. Then it hit me why..why do I want this scrapbook kit that god knows I will not even open yet alone look at after I bought it? although I know that the packaging IS very attractive, it wasn't just that, it wasn't only that that could trigger me to waste another 8 hours of standing at my job, but a louder thought that supressed every other logical reasoning I have going on in my brain. and I'm not kidding but literally that song "wouldn't it be nice..(if we were older...la la la u know u've heard it before, i think it's by the beach boys)

woudln't it be nice indeed, omg i would put so much pictures on it, i would decorate my scrapbook so cute just like those u see in advertisement..wishful thinking..why do u make me so weak and gullible? how can u persuade me to abandon reason, logic, and sanity for a brief moment of facade happiness. as much of a cynical person i am, i can't help but wonder how much wishful thinking has on me. now i sit here and wonder...maybe this is how i might be when i'm in love. hhmm...i might be in love with the idea of being in love.

i'm going to cut this short cause i think i might go on forever if i think some more. in the other side of the world. i CURLED my hair...hahahah i'm not as hopeless as i thought i am when it comes to curling my hair. i think a bit more practice and i can get it just the way i want it to look..huuurahhh!!

second post after a year of joining this hehehe. so my goal would be to try and figure out how make this blog look good for me to want write on it everyday. and since i'm layout challenge, i'm goanna have to be schooled on the basics. so i'm off finding a good one.

first post in livejournal. i wanted to try out livejournal since i'm an ongoing xangie so its always nice to try something new. besides livejournal got it hands down when it comes to communites. i guess this is introduction then...yorishiku ne!